"In the new Gallup poll, [Trump’s] approval rating is down to 36 percent with 60 percent disapproval. Trump's underwater in every category. According to a new YouGov poll, he's very unpopular overall as president: unpopular on the economy, health care, the Epstein investigation, education, and on the environment. Donald Trump is also the most-hated Zootopia character, the lowest rated mid-size sedan, and the least-popular Oreo flavor: Double-Stuf Cankle."
—Stephen Colbert
"Last night President Trump posted over 160 times on Truth Social, averaging more than one post per minute. Well, I think we know where all of Venezuela's cocaine has been going."
—Jimmy Fallon
"For god's sakes, man, were you not curious at all? When they laid you down for half an hour to forty-five minutes, you didn't wanna know what they might be doing? Or did you just think to yourself, What a loud tanning bed?"
—Jon Stewart, on Trump claiming he didn't know what or where his MRI was scanning
"In the middle of an active war against drug traffickers, Donald Trump has pardoned a man who smuggled in enough cocaine to give every American ‘resting Kash Patel face.’ "
—The Daily Show's Josh Johnson
"In a post on Truth Social, Trump tested out new nicknames for a Trump Republican, including Tepublican and Tpublican...leading to a new diagnosis called Tementia."
—Seth Meyers
"What a cabinet we have. We have twice-baked RFK Jr., who is now embroiled in a sex and drug scandal with a reporter nearly 40 years his junior. Our Secretary of 'War' is murdering unidentified civilians and trying to throw the admiral who is following orders under the boat. The director of the FBI is reportedly using a private jet for personal travel with his country-music star girlfriend and delayed an investigation 'til someone brought him an 'FBI' jacket that fit his little body.
We've got the attorney general turning the Justice Department into the Keystone Cops. We have a wrestling magnate running the Department of Education who wants to get rid of the Department of Education. Our Secretary of Homeland Security has somehow made killing a puppy one of the least-controversial things she's done. And our health care is in the vitamin-powered supplement hands of Dr. Oz.
They have better-quality cabinets at Ikea. And they were all there today to make sure the president's colonoscopy didn't miss anything."
—Jimmy Kimmel, on the boot-licking demonstration at Tuesday's cabinet meeting that put Trump into a deep slumber
“My favorite thing about this is that this is one you can fact-check at home—you don’t need to count on the professionals to do this. When you go to the grocery store and you get your bill, you can say: ‘Donald Trump says I can afford this!’ And just see if it works. You may not have the money, but if Trump says that's a hoax, check it yourself.”
—Rachel Maddow on Trump calling 'affordability' a 'Democrat scam,' on The Late Show with Stephen Colbert
